Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Do You See That?

Right over there on my little weight ticker? I'm in the 280's baby! Everybody do the Cabbage Patch with me. Oh ya, uh huh, who's awesome? It's me!

I've got to keep this weight off and lose a few more lbs to be good for my next weigh in. I need every lb I can get before heading up to Seattle for my appointment on the 13th. I scheduled it in the morning so I'd weigh less, if only I could weigh in naked. They should let you at least strip and wear one of those hospital gowns. Maybe before I go I'll weigh out and find my lightest outfit. I'm also excited because we'll be staying through the rest of the week taking a little family vacation. We soooo need it.

I'm still having the bleeding and cramping, but the weight loss is keeping me in better spirits. I NEED to get some more pictures on here. I also want to do a vlog. I'll work on that.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011


I can't sleep. I hate this. I'm having severe uterine bleeding and cramps and nothing is helping. I have a gynecologist appointment on the 8th, but I don't know if that's soon enough.

I've been to doctors and they've never helped with my problem. I've had it for 9 years! 9! I go to the doctor, they see the problem I have and that I'm anemic. What do they do? Oh, I'll tell ya, they tell me I'm fat and to lose weight and my problem will go away, NEXT! Never have I had one of them offer to help the daily bleeding stop. Their way of helping is to tell me to lose the weight (wiping hands)

I've been infertile for most of my child bearing years. Thank goodness that I have two beautiful girls already. There is HUGE discrimination going on. I had one OB refuse to help with infertility because I was overweight. I asked if he could help with the bleeding...lose some weight he says. MOTHER FU****! AAAAAH!

Now that I'm older I'm not putting up with it anymore. My current doctor doesn't know what to do about it so did nothing and didn't even suggest a specialist that might be able to help. He told me to go to Planned Parenthood. I've been. They've helped me this last year, but I was told my problem wasn't something they could help me with "long term". They gave me birth control, but it's not working anymore. I'm still forever indebted to them for making it stop for a few months. That was a miracle. I've dropped said impotent doctor and I'm seeing someone new next week along with the gyno. I assumed that I needed to see a gynecologist. I'm not taking any chances that this doc doesn't know what to do for me either. It's almost two weeks away though.

My hormones are crazy. I'm chained to the bathroom. I'm in pain. I feel like crying at any moment, but can never manage it so I'm on edge. I'm calling around tomorrow and I'll see if ANYONE in town can see me. I don't need/want to go to the ER.

I hope that after I have the surgery and lose weight that my period will get back to normal. I really do. I've relented to the fact that I will not be having any more babies and I'm not too terribly adverse to them ripping the uterus out. I just want the madness to STOP!

I know this isn't a weight loss post, yet it is something that is caused directly from my morbid obesity. If anyone else has these problems you're not alone. I felt alone until I read similar stories on the OH boards. What I'm going through sucks, but it's normal for someone of my BMI. Can't wait till it's over.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Almost out of the 290's

That's right! I weighed myself like 5 times or more this morning to make sure the scale wasn't lying to me. It was 290.2. Wooooo Hooooo! I'm trying to keep to my diet, but I've had a few too many carbs as of late. I suppose it's not affecting the scale. I'm just doing my best. I try to keep to 50 carbs a day or less. Some days it's more like 60-70, those aren't my great days. I need them sometimes though to stay sane.

Today, I'm taking my almost out of the 290's out to the public pool. It's going to be in the 90's today and I want to swim, or float, most likely float. LOL! I just hate it when it's time to get out of the pool. This pool is not one with the nice 0 degree entry, so I need to haul myself out of the water via a ladder. Anyone that has ever been significantly over weight knows that this is hard/tricky/embarrassing to pull off. I want to swim and I'm willing to do it.

Hopefully my next post I'll be over to the 280's.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011


I've got a whole summer planned of activities and I'm trying to find the will to do them.

I did get amazing deals on bowling shoes for me and the girls. Eight bucks for all three of us. Not too bad if I do say so myself. The girls have free bowling this summer through a cool program and we added Jeff and I for 24.95.

Can someone please give me a cyber kick in my big fat butt? This is going to be the longest summer of my life. Waiting is hard.

Friday, June 10, 2011

School's Out For Summah!

Today is the last day of school for my two girls. Lindsay will be leaving elementary school and joining the ranks of the dreaded middle school. Is there anyone that made it through middle school unscathed? Abbey will be in 8th grade and will be sharing the same school with little sister once again. This will be interesting, very interesting.

I've got lots of fun activities planned for the summer. I would have more if I lived back in Spokane, but you work with what you've got. I've told/threatened the girls that every morning we were going to get up and go walk around the high school track. We would each do a mile. Oh wait, I'll be the one walking. The girls will be expected to jog it. Upon hearing this news Abbey had a sudden onset of asthma that couldn't be controlled with her multiple puffs on her inhaler. Lindsay could be heard squealing with joy. That kid LOVES exercise and that's not an exaggeration. Lucky ducky.

There will also be a lot of swimming. I only wish that we had the awesome pools of Spokane here. Those pools have slides, play equipment, a great deep end, and I was willing to swim there. I don't know anyone in Spokane other than the people that have always known me as fat. I don't care if they see my fat carcass in my swim suit! But here, I have loads of people from high school that still live here and frequent all of the places I do. I'm trying to work up the nerve to just go on and enjoy myself and not let them stop me. So far, I'm not successful. I really want to do water aerobics at the public pool though....

Surgeon appointment went really well. I showed a 12lbs loss on his scale. Yay! I know that I've lost more than that. I can estimate that my clothes weighed about 1 and a half pounds. I had just finished lunch, so another pound respectively. I'd also throw in a little water weight to boot. So I bet I'm really another 3-4lbs lighter than the scale was letting on. No worries though. I only needed to lose 10. I'll keep that extra in my pocket for next weigh in. Now I just gotta keep keepin' on! Happy Summer to you. Please enjoy the incredibly insensitive, yet accurate, vintage post card.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Gotta get the water out!

My poor face was swollen from last Thursday to 2am this morning. I'll spare you the uh, snotty details, but the point is I feel much, much better! Now I just need to get all of the water in my body to release. I get so puffy when I'm sick, no matter how much I drink.

I've got a surgeon's appointment in two days and I need all the weight off I can get. I'm pounding Crystal light. I hope and wish that I don't loose my taste for it after I have the surgery. I just simply can't handle water. I gag! When I was chronically anemic for 8 years, I drank water and ate ice ALL day long. No cup went empty with me around. Oh, are you going to finish that ice? Yoink. Don't mind if I do! I've gotten my anemia under control since last November and my craving for ice slowly went away as well. Then I wasn't just not interested in it anymore, I was turned off a bit. Now I don't mind ice, though I never chew it, but I just can't stand water. I know, weird.

So, getting the liquid intake under control, check. Walking? I did a mile and half on Sunday. I was doing great! I wanted to do a few more laps, but the all too familiar burning of thigh chaffing was starting to happen. DANG IT!!! I got home and I didn't think it was too bad, wrong. It's not totally the thighs, it's like right were your thighs and butt meet. Walking to get around has been ouch, so walking around the neighborhood has been no. I tried to put on Jeff's spandex compression shorts. First of all, getting them on was, how shall I put this.... like stuffing a cat into a tube sock? I don't know, it wasn't easy. I managed to get them on and pulled up as high as possible and the patch on my right was still irritated. It's better today and I might try the shorts again to attempt a walk tonight. It makes me think I might need a lower body lift after all is said and done. We'll see I suppose.

So there it is. I'm stressed about weigh in and my thigh/butt or thutt, is not so good. I'm also going to do a vlog now that my face doesn't look like the cat lady's. Don't know what I'll talk about, but I'm doing one.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Weigh In

So I was a little bit swollen in my extremities this morning when I weighed myself. I must have had a little too much sodium the day before. I did wake up with a totally swollen forehead though. What's that about? Probably a sinus infection. Awesome.

Well, when I weighed in I was 293.8! Oh ya. I'm down 18 pounds since April 25th. Not to shabby. I'm hoping that I will get praise instead of scorn at my next surgeon's appointment. I travel up to see him on the 9th. I keep thinking if I get down low enough I'll be able to partake in the Godfather's Pizza buffet. I know, bad Heidi!!! Old habits die hard I guess.

And here's a full body shot of me taken tonight. I look a little top heavy I think. I didn't think I was, maybe it's the way Jeff's holding the camera. I just kept thinking, "look how tiny my head looks on that huge body!". It's all right though. I'm not looking back. Keep moving toward the goal.